THE HABIT OF WRITING

Being my dream that to become an editor (perhaps, is this an excuse?) not a writer, I have to admit that I’ve never had a habit of writing. However, after undertaking a course of Writing and Publishing I’ve been forced to write. “Write every day” is a command to which my ears have been constantly exposed. Slowly-slowly, that brainwashing has been working. Well, I still don’t write everyday; not because I don’t want to, but because I am submersed by the number of assignments needing to be submitted. 

Still, that command has reached my brain and my will and I have found that actually I like writing. Well, I have always liked writing. For example, when I had to write an essay I’ve always been the one to write pages and pages, never wanting to stop.

Writing in a second language never made much difference to the amount of words I wrote in English classes. My one or two full pages compared to the few lines my other classmates wrote embarrassed them. But writing wasn’t an instinct for me; it was not something that I used to do for myself. In order for me to write, I needed to be in a situation where I had to do so. If I approached writing by myself, it was because I had just lived profound experiences that I wanted to keep with me forever, a trick to deceive the flow of time.

But now that I have practiced different kinds of writing, I’m starting to feel the need to write. I’m also starting to understand what genre I am more inclined towards, and this is probably a form of non-fiction. I don’t like to have a hero to follow, because there are many writers out there from  whom I believe you can take something; something different from each author, many pieces of them that are more connected to you. However, examining the diary and other writings of Anne Frank, I can say that I need to see her as an example for me. A teenager but also a budding writer; with her doubts on her talent, but also with her determination to keep going and practice. She is a mirror of myself, although I am no longer a teenager; a mirror that I need to carry with me, especially when those doubts crowd my mind and threaten my writing.

THE SMART PHONE

Is it just my experience or have some of you also had a bad experience with a Samsung smart phone? Samsung presents itself as a true alternative to Apple. They use different software, but the quality of the phone is the same. There are those who prefer Apple and those who prefer Samsung: it is just a preference or a matter of taste.

Unfortunately, this has not been my experience with Samsung. My choice was based on practical needs. I couldn’t afford an iPhone. What I needed was a phone that could connect to the Internet, Whatsapp and other useful applications such as a dictionary and further basic utilities. When it comes to technology I’m not an expert, so I relied on public opinion and I opted for a Samsung — not even the cheapest one, it was more than $250.

“That will make the difference to me!” I thought as I evolved from Luddite to a person with a smart phone and found my place in a world where everybody had moved on away from basic technology a long time ago; a world where any time I took out my old phone from my pocket I receive strange reactions from those around me. People looked at my basic phone as if I had just purchased it from an  antique market. It was regarded as a resurrected relic, an oddity forgotten over time. They couldn’t believe I still really used it. So when I bought my Samsung Ace I felt pretty cool. What a difference it was going to make! It didn’t take too long to discover that my smart phone was not so clever. At the beginning, I thought that it was just me — that there was something about me that meant I could not cope with such technology. But eventually I came to the realization that I wasn’t the slow one, it was actually the phone. Not only was it slow but also it was crazy. It would send me messages to inform me  that I didn’t have enough memory to download an application. Then it would cancel all the numbers on my phonebook and this happened a few times causing much frustration as I tried to recover as many numbers as I could. Then there was the alarm clock: one day without warning, I could no longer  access. To make the matters worse now I cannot access Internet at all. 

“Sorry! The application Google Partner Setup... bla, bla, bla... has stopped unexpectedly. Please try again.” This is what my phone continues to display at anytime I try to use the Internet, or applications etc.

I have asked friends if they have ever had such problem, “No, never a problem with Samsung. Samsung is the best!” 

Perhaps it is me? Is it my Luddite personality that doesn’t want to abandon me, and sends me desperate messages inviting me to return to my old attitude toward technology? Or it is possible, just possible that is simply bad luck on my part that I happened to purchase the only bad Samsung! Who knows? Not me! Maybe I am just not intelligent enough for a Smart phone.  

ON WRITING

The writing process creates a mixture of feelings: excitement, pain, satisfaction, frustration and so on. It has the power to reveal what the lips cannot do. It’s liberating, but also daunting. When you start working on a project, an energy seems to push you to sit in front of the computer and to open a Word document and then you forget about everything else; and you just write, your hands move on the keyboard as if they were composer’s hands on a piano. Words follow one another creating a beautiful melody to your ears. You unlock your unconscious mind and allow the words to flow freely hoping that they will continue to do so to the end of your project, but there is also your conscious mind that at some point emerges kicking out its counterpart. It’s the one that tells you, “This is all bullshit, it’s a mess, it doesn’t work, don’t you see? What are you doing? Who would care to read this stuff?”

You try to shut up it and keep going with your writing, continuing to compose the melody that was taking shape, but this voice grows louder and louder until it’s you who stops. The melody stops.

You think that everything you have done sucks. The same energy that has pushed you to sit and write, now pushes you away; after all, there is something else more important that you have to do.

However, you cannot do other things freely, especially if at some point you have to submit your project; it doesn’t matter if it is for a publisher or for school. Your mind remains on that project; the same project that seemed glorious at the beginning, now has turned into a nightmare. If three months seemed plenty of time when you started, now you realize that they have already gone while your project is still a long way from the end.

You feel alone, the only one to live in such a frustrating conditions. Nobody can understand you, right?

No, it’s not.

Those who write can understand you perfectly, because it’s the same feeling they go through. But you don’t know it, until you finally talk to someone more expert than you, who will reassure and encourage you. “That’s a normal process of writing. You need to keep going on writing and leave aside your concerns; don’t let them curb you. After all, writing is rewriting and rewriting; for now, free your unconscious mind and write. You’ll come back later to the form.”

Suddenly you feel better, don’t you? So if you stuck on your writing, talk about it. You will discover that not just writing, but also talking is liberating sometimes; perhaps you’ll come back to your seat and even though not immediately, the words will flow again, page after page.

FIGHTING TECHNOLOGICAL FRUSTRATION